No Kind Words To Give

No Kind Words To Give
…it makes a big difference

We all know that UK schools are not catered to handle children with special needs, but do they have to make it so obvious?

We all know that for girls on the autistic spectrum, it is like walking around with an invisible illness, but when it inevitably manifests, do teachers have to be so insensitive to their parents?

There is a UK charity set up called, ‘Hello, my name is…’ founded by the late Dr. Kate Granger, who when attending a Cancer ward as a patient, was treated like a statistic, not a human being. No nurses who were assigned to her care, ever bothered to introduce themselves, hence the aptly-named title.

It seems like insensitivity is everywhere.

Owing to extreme anxiety, the fear of being ridiculed, the fear of being watched, the fear of doing something uncool and clumsy, P.E. lessons and team sports especially, are dreaded by a great many children with Asperger’s Syndrome.

…anxiety can be overwhelming

Our very shy, socially anxious daughter decided she couldn’t face Sport’s Day and bunked off school all on her own. That means she played truant.

No kind Words to Give
…escaping because of fear, not rebellion

My discerning husband suspected something was wrong that morning and rang his work-place to ask for some time off.

To cut a long story short, we trundled up to school to ask:

“Er…silly question I know, but did our child come to school today?”

After keeping us waiting in the reception area for 35 minutes, we were ushered into a private room and told our worst fears. No, she was not on that day’s register and had not attended her first lesson – added to that, a member of public had just rung the school to say a child matching our daughter’s description was seen loitering about near a duck pond.

No Kind Words To Give
…calming companions

We were then told that a teacher had gone out to look for her and that we should go back home.

I was confident that our daughter would be back inside the house, as a door key was missing. But my poor husband was beside himself with worry. With all the ‘Child Sex Exploitation’ stories flying around, he felt sick to the stomach.

But while being escorted off the school premises, there were no platitudes from the teacher. It was as if she was already focussing on her next task. There was no:

  • “Oh Mr & Mrs B, you must have been so worried!”
  • “I bet you’re glad someone has found her aren’t you?”
  • “Has she ever done this before?”
  • “Why do you think she did this?”
  • “Is she unhappy at school do you think?”
  • “Is there a possibility she’s being bullied?”
  • “Well it’s good you realised she was missing! How awful that would have been for you to get such a phone call from us!”
  • “Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll be alright.”
  • “Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll be back at home by now.”
  • “Don’t worry, we’ll let you know as soon as we hear anything.”

And when I rang her later to let her know our precious child was found safe at home, hiding and scared, I would have expected something like:

* “Oh, I’m so glad you found her!”

* “Is she okay?”

* “How is she doing?”

* “You must be so relieved to have found her!”

* “Is she very upset?”

* “Has she told you why she did it?”

* “I will speak to her tomorrow.”

* “We’ll have a word with her tomorrow and let you know how we got on.”

* “Well, I am very glad she is okay.”

 

Nothing

 

All I got was, “Oh okay. Right. Thanks. Bye.”

It turns out that when our runaway returned to school the following day, nobody took her aside to have a word, to ask why she couldn’t face school, to inquire if she was being picked on, to make it clear that truancy isn’t an option. And no-follow-up phone calls or emails were received by us.

So, here I rest my case. I’m not judging, just going by experience and my experience is that unless your kid is bold, extrovert, neurotypical-brained and happy, teachers couldn’t care less.

No Kind Words To Give
…too busy to be bothered

Am I over-reacting?

Am I insecure?

Am I naive?

Am I expecting too much from human nature?

I’m more than happy for you to put me straight.

Beat Depression

If you are facing teacher/child issues, know that God invites us to pour our hearts out to him. There's no better solution to a peaceless situation than to let him hear and feel our frustrations. It's so easy to 'swear before prayer' when a professional doesn't treat us or our loved-ones the way we expect and I have learnt that when somebody doesn't react the way I want them to, to go straight to my heavenly father.

It's also important to forgive quickly - teachers, nurses and the like are human and therefore imperfect.

I wish you success in whatever battle you are currently facing and most of all, the peace that passes all understanding.

loneliness

Cast all your cares, all your anxieties, all your worries and all your concerns, once and for all, on him, for he cares about you with deepest affection and watches over you very carefully. (1Peter 5:7 Amplified)

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28 comments

    • Hi Debra, yes that is true. Thanks for your kind words. We can see how God orchestrated the whole thing, because my husband simply knew something was wrong that morning. I am so grateful we got to the school before they got to us. A phone call to say she was missing would have been dreadful. I hope you are well. Have a blessed weekend xx

      Liked by 2 people

  1. You are completely right! Many school systems I’m aware of are so out of touch and outdated on new approaches to teaching and more importantly CARING. I’d give that school an ear full!!! It is very sad to hear this and I’m surrounding you and your family with love.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Thankful your precious daughter came home to be safe with you, but so sad about the school. Every child is precious to Jesus. Prayed for your little girl and for you this morning. Your post made me grateful my church has a respite night ministry for parents of special needs children, so the parents can have an evening to do whatever they wish while their children are cared for by volunteers at church including nurses.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hi there, thanks for your support. That was very kind of you to offer a prayer up for her – only heaven will tell what a blessing that was to me! It is good to hear that your church are lovingly involved with helping the special needs community and their parents. It is much needed for those whose children are lower functioning and also have physical disabilities. God will bless you mightily for all your love in action. Have a blessed weekend.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You are not over-reacting at all. I felt worry just reading the first part of the post! I can’t imagine why they would act so cold towards you and your family. It seems… odd.

    I am very happy that you found your daughter. Thank God! I will pray for the Lord to help you with the issues you and your family are facing with this school.

    Take good care,
    Yari

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Yari. Yes it does seem odd and I think if I was reading this on someone else’s post, I would question whether there was more to the story than the writer was letting on – but there isn’t. Thank you for your encouraging words and support. That’s really lovely. May God bless you abundantly.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I am so sorry, what a horrible experience. I have 2 beautiful girls and I don’t know how you handle it so peacefully. I can assure you that you are definitely walking in God’s fruits. Amazing. Lifting up prayers for your family. I know a God of miracles I ask the Lord to take over your child’s dissability and used it to show that God can use any situation and that He qualifies the call.
    I went through a rough patch with ny 10 year old when in public school and through prayer God moved us into a private school due to non stop bullying. I can tell you God has come through with the provision needed to cover all expenses. We are still in awe of what God can do for His faithful servants.
    God bless you all and keep you safe always.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi there, thanks so much for stopping by and thank you for your kind comments aswell. It is great to hear testimonies like yours of how God pulled through for you just when it seemed like the situation was impossible. Thanks for the encouragement that God is still in control and is working things out ‘behind the scenes’. I am so glad your young daughter is not being bullied anymore and I hope she is totally over the traumatic memories – God will turn them around for good if he hasn’t already done so. Yes, I agree that I couldn’t have coped with all this without him. He is so faithful. Your blog looks great – I am glad you popped on here so I could find yours.

      Like

      • Oh yes. Thank you! My daughter is using her experience as testimony. She is really living for the one who made her possible. She is a living miracle of God. According to science she was supoosed to be born with down sindrome and incomplete kidneys. My husband’s faith abd his family’s pull her through, I had not found mine yet. Yes I am also glad I got to see your post. Uplifting to know we go through same situations even when we are across the world from each other. Has brought me to global prayers now. God bless you and your beautiful family.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks for the update on your daughter. How wonderful that your husband and family had full assurance that God was to be trusted and you, although not yet there, would have been greatly influenced by what you were observing. It’s wonderful to know that you witnessed science defeated in the face of your creator 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Sometimes teachers and even parents forget what a kind word can do. We forget the power of words. A kind and compassionate sentence or two from a teacher or administrator would have made a huge difference in your situation.
    The lesson to us all is that words matter. Thank you for posting. This was important for all of us to hear.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m not one for many words or for holding a conversation, but I’m aware of the fact that the school systems aren’t perfect and they need correction and at least she is safe now.

    Like

  7. Great post! My oldest has Asperger’s. We had a lot of conversations with school. I can’t even imagine a child being gone from school and then being turned away! That part wouldn’t happen in America (or at least I’d like to think so – too many laws). I’m so sorry that happened to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Joanna, Thanks for your concern and support. I imagine you know exactly what it’s like to feel a little side-tracked, but the good news is that we did have a positive outcome from the school in the end. I have published the update my my latest post, titled, ‘This Is a Good School’. I’m glad that you are being ‘looked after’ properly by your son’s school. I have also been back onto your blog – it looks great and I’m looking forward to reading more of your posts soon. God bless.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Oooooh! Right well I’ve just commented on your more recent post and have sung the praises of the school, but now I’m not so sure – at all. Having gone through two boys growing up, and all the good, bad and ugly stuff that it entails, I think now that everything has calmed down, I’d write a wee letter to the head. Not a rant, but just suggesting that a change in their actions and behaviours is necessary. It is every parents worst nightmare. And they should know that. Out of interest, did they telephone you immediately when the register was taken and they realised she wasn’t in?? I’m so sorry you had to go through this but glad all is ok now. Hugs x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Did they heck! That was my cynical, bordering-on-anger reply. My more polite reply is, Er..no, they did not and when we went up to school to express concern that she may not be behind closed doors, they kept us waiting 35 mins. We all know what can happen to a child in 2 minutes, let alone 35. My husband was beside himself.

      What upset me more was that nobody took her aside the next day to find out if she was alright and to make sure that we had got it right – I mean, parents are not always aware of bullying are they? But they called me in for a meeting on the following Wednesday and promised the earth. But I’ve had that before with another school, who said one thing, then did nothing. To your face they sound like angels, all ready to help your kid, then they just throw away their notes after you’ve left their office, it seems.

      So we are waiting to see what happens the next time she freaks out and if they will indeed provide alternative activities like they promised oh so nicely to my face. Thanks for your empathy – it means a lot to me to have received such wonderful support on here xx

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yup, the WordPress friends are lovely here … it’s a great support network. I’m not surprised your husband was beside himself … what on Earth were they doing for 35 minutes? Unbelievable! I’m not surprised you’re fuming. X

        Like

  9. What a ridiculous way to run a school! Opher at Opher’ World used to be a teacher and headmaster. He has LOTS of opinions about stuff like this. Stop by and have a chat with him. And thanks for the follow, btw. I look forward to seeing you around the blogs!

    Liked by 1 person

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