Ugh! I sat on my bedroom floor reading my favourite book.
It’s not my favourite just because it makes me feel loved and secure and hopeful. It also shows me exactly what I’m like and that isn’t always good. But it’s good to know.
Right now, it’s highlighting my bad attitudes and showing me what a slow learner I am.
I’m reading 1 Peter 2 and 3 and cringing all the way through.
My biggest cringe comes when I hit upon verses 3 and 4 of Chapter 3:
Your adornment must not be merely external…but let it be the inner beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality and unfolding charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit; one that is calm and self-controlled, not overanxious, but serene and spiritually mature, which is very precious in the sight of God.
I don’t feel the slightest bit gentle-spirited. How long have I been a Christian and I’m still struggling with the basics? Shouldn’t I have conquered the fundamental topics by now?
I closed my eyes and asked earnestly that the Holy Spirit would give me a gentle spirit. And clothe me with more humility. And give me that ton of wisdom James said we should bag.
Three hours later, my husband got me angry and I slammed the door as I stormed out of the living room. I know it’s lock-down, but oops, shouldn’t I have conquered this, ‘self-control, kindness and all the fruits of the Spirit’ thing?
I had felt that hubby was being unfair. The only thing I wanted to do with any fruits in that moment, was lob a banana at his neck and empty the Pink Ladies upon his head.
I’ve been a Christian for more than 30 years. Am I ever going to grow up?
I don’t want to be on formula for the rest of my life. I don’t even like the taste of milk. I want to be a mature child of God who can stomach a large spiritual meal of rib-eye steak, mushrooms and homestyle fries.
I strolled upstairs, hot and ashamed. Hadn’t I asked God at the beginning of the pandemic, to bring all the dross inside me to the surface? It seems like he has fun with prayers like that. It’s like he’s rubbing his hands together and saying with a grin, “Right, where do I start?”
I realise that if I want to be a doer of the word, I can’t settle for just eating it. We pass food out the other end don’t we? A vitamin doesn’t help keep a cold at bay unless we take it regularly. Iron tonic doesn’t help our anaemia until our body’s been digesting it for months.
And so, my bible is going to become a closer companion to me. I am going to win this war against my soul. I have been crucified with Christ and I have been given the mind of Christ. Christ-minded people don’t own a bowl of rotten fruit. Christ-minded women don’t slam doors on their husbands – they slam the doors on the Devil.
Right. I’m off now. I’ve gotta bottle to warm up.
Baby bottle: Burst from Pexels
Climber: Nina Uhlíková from Pexels
Baby: Polina Tankilevitch from Pexels